It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
