Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
