I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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