Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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