I like to think it a success when the cops are called
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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