Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
