If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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