I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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