We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
