i jhust puked up my retainher.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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