dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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