dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
