I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
