So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize