why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
