Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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