This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
