I think my fart just growled at me.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
