tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
