I got chris browned last night
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
