my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
