If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
