I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize