hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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