She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
