How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
