I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
