He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
