What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
