Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize