She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
it hurts more in the daytime
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
