fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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