I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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