Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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