it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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