I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Randomize