Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
