and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
