im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
My vagina just recognized that song.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
