I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
