I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Randomize
