I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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