i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
