he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize