Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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