pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
