I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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