if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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