She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
