NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize