Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
