Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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