I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
