She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
