So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I stole a fireplace last night.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
