woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
