walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
