I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
