Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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