Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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