I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
