i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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