I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
