i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
