There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize