He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
