nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
