apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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