Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize