it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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