i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
