I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
