i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
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