Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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