Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
