My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
